Everyone keeps asking me how I like being a mom, and I'm being honest when I say I love it, it's easy, there's no where else I'd rather be.
But what about John?
The poor guy has to work 5 days a week, he's in school, doing homework and helping out with Emily as much as he possibly can.
There wasn't much to do at first; change her bum....that's about all since he's-ahem- missing important feeding materials.
Now things are a little different.
She's eating more often, she's awake for most of the day...and we've all learned she doesn't like to be put down; she's a big snuggle bug.
And that's fine with me, but some things are just really hard to do one handed.
Yeah, I can eat my lunch with her cradled in one arm.
I can tidy up the house
I can make basic lunches, like a PB and J or the usual bowl of cereal.
Heck, I can butter toast like a pro
But some things I just can't manage [yet] with her in my arms
Laundry, for example.
I can't take it downstairs, throw it in the washer/dryer, fold it and put it away while she's perched on my shoulder or laying in my arms.
I can't/won't cook over the stove while holding her.
I have to do those kinds of things when she's sleeping or when someone else is home to watch her.
But, she doesn't sleep that much.
And if she falls asleep, when i put her in her chair, she wakes up and turns on the sirens (she's doesn't use them much, but when she does she certainly has quite a pair of lungs)
John comes home and he has to help with dinner because, even though I've been home all day, I haven't got it cooked.
I think he thinks i do nothing.
Well no, he wouldn't think that, i mother his child and thats enough for him...
But i worry that i'm doing nothing.
I know I'm not.
But....maybe i dunno....
He doesn't have to get up at night with her.
she makes one little noise and I've got her upstairs before he has a chance to wake up.
He would get up if I wanted him to, but it really doesn't take two to feed Emily my boob.
Besides, he's really busy in the day with work and school and homework etc
I get to spend all day with Emily, and he only sees her a couple hours.
He's working so hard...

...i don't want him to resent me.

Dads out there, how can we make it work so that John doesn't feel overwhelmed with everything on his plate but still understands I'm doing all I can?

baby shower today....
soooo many people.
soooooooo many presents.

I never thought opening presents could exhaust me.
but phew, i'm pooped. 
so's Emily.
we're going to bed.

So, halloween was a waste of time.
i remember when i was a kid, way back in the day, everyone trick-or-treated.
last night i gave out candy to maybe, maybe 20 kids.

what ever happened to loving the idea of free candy?

now that she's here, i can't imagine my life being any different.
I can't imagine not being her mommy.
but at the same time, i keep thinking about what i used to do.
I don't just mean before Emily, i mean before John and working and graduation and all the way back to grade 10 and 11 and 12....
Back to hang man.
Back to the stairwell.
Back to all nighters on msn with 8 million people listed as 'friends' not only on the screen but in my heart.

I do still think about you guys.
I wish I could make all of you understand why things are the way they are.
Why I never wrote you back.
Why I never called you when you were home from kingston.
But...i don't think you'd get it.
I don't think my reason is enough for you.

Now, my little girl is fussing.
She kicks her tiny legs and swings her baby arms above her head.
she opens her mouth really wide and then pulls her lips into a pucker.
My baby's hungry.
I have to go.